You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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