I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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