I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
