I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
