i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
