We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
