he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
