i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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