and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize