Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
