I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All the doctor said was why
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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