Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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