Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
