My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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