You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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