She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
