Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
