I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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