It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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