There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
