also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
