we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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