Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.