I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."