Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
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She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
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It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.