i think i have two assholes
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately