in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.