Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
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Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
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I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?