Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
