too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
