I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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