Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
