This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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