i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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