I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
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My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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