11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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