his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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