I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
