I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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