So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
