I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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