I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
