the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize