I wish I only lived at night.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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