Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dignity is for republicans.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
