When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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