Can i not drive my cunt home
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
