whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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