I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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