my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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