I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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