if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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