Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Pants are for mortals
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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