He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize