so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
