my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
