do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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