no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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