so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
