you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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