i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
These tits shall not be calmed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
