I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
