Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
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So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
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Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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