just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
God, I missed his penis.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
